Mortal Combat VS wherever the hell Joe Valirover is from. Quan Chi is a wicked sorcerer and a member of the Brotherhood of Shadow - a Satanic cult dedicated to worship the fallen God Shinnok. Quan is quite powerful and skilled in black demonic arts, perhaps even more than his former partner, Shang Tsung. His opponent is the second President of Soviet Union, Vladimir Joseph "Joe" Valirover. Valirover is known as one of the most brutal and sadistic villains in fictional world, and is the second wretch to kill the most people on the entire planet, behind only Kizkakati Kanzcozwikz. Let us find out which one of these two heartless monsters is the most brutal.


Stuart Ackermann: Quan Chi... are you prepared?

Quan: Yes, Mr. Ackermann.

Clurkicus: Good. Enter the portal.

Quan: *Gets ready to go through the portal* HAIL SHINNOK!

Ackermann and Clurkicus: Hail Shinnok!

Valirover: This old bald sorcerer is my opponent??! Really??? You have got to be kidding me, comrade. I was expecting Olaf or at least Von Crane.

Valirover's adviser: Well, um, eh, sir, they thought, um, that Quan fit you the most. He-he-

Valirover: What!?? You dare compare me to that old fossil?? Away with you!

Adviser: N-no, boss, have mercy! *Valirover's guards take his adviser away to the Gulag*

Valirover: Now... let's finish this!

  • Quan meets with Valirover at the arena*

Quan: Ready, "comrade?"

Valirover: You'll go down in a second! You're not worth the dirt on my army boot.

Death BattleEdit

Chi starts the battle by shooting a green skull projectile at Valirover with full force, hits him, and Joseph falls down hard. Valirover, however, shoots at Quan with his handgun and gets up. He pulls out an AK-47 and shoots at Quan like mad; but Chi blocks most of the bullets with a wall made of green skulls and brings up two skeletons from Hell to attack Valirover. Joe shoots both of them down and starts shooting at Chi again, this time before Quan has a chance of bringing up his wall. Quan, all injured, falls on ground and brings up one last dead warrior to take care of Joe. However, Valirover headbutts the skeleton and bashes his skull hard to the floor, killing him. Quan gets up but is barely able to move, just then, Valirover gets out a hammer and sickle and hits Quan's head with the hammer hard, exposing his brains and then slits his throat with the sickle. He is then seen kicking Chi's corpse 2 minutes afterwards.


Valirover: Ha! What did I say? Piece of cake.

  • Down in Hell, Ackermann and Clurkicus are informed of Chi's loss* Ackermann: .....

Clurkicus: We really need the Project's help right now.

Ackermann: Yeah. Valirover truly is a one-man-army and more evil than our Lord Shinnok himself.

The winner's theme song:Edit

Hymn of the Former Soviet Union

Hymn of the Former Soviet Union